Going Tropical

Getting real for a minute.

Bathing suit shopping... 😬 I haven’t shopped for or even put on a bathing suit since I was 15 years old (about 20 years ago).

Body image issues and the journey of self-hate is deep routed and can forever haunt you. You never forget moments where you were reminded that because you look different your value and self-worth was limited at best. In the safety of my own home, my own little world with closest family and friends, I could run around in a bathing suit and have no worries at all (helped growing up with a pool in our back yard). But as soon as I stepped outside our bubble, I was exposed and ripped apart for being the chubby, unattractive undesirable girl.

Mind you, I was a powerful athlete, top of my game, thick but fit and healthy - no one could stop me on the field. But off the field, I allowed the power of narrow-minded judgement by someone who summed up my value solely based on how I looked control how I thought about myself for most of my life. I have always avoided water/beach related activities and tropical locations where less layers were required for fear of having to be exposed and vulnerable to the world again.

These past 2 years have been a deep unraveling about the impact that this has had on me and erasing its power. Through sharing my vulnerability, my story, building a community of support - I have been able to flip the script and love myself all over again as I am today.

Don’t get me wrong, I have health goals that I am working on but no longer am I chasing unhealthy weight loss methods to achieve some unrealistic beauty standard that I will never live up to. Instead, I am working on loving myself inside to out and just focusing on feeling healthy - be it whatever size my body naturally wants to settle at. I never thought I would shop for a bathing suit again for the rest of my life.

And although those self-hate demons still haunt me from time to time, I am so proud of myself for committing to fully enjoying the world in the moment, even if a bathing suit is required. 🌸👙

Thank you @torridfashion for building a brand based on self-love and beauty for ALL.